Thing is, “normal” Triscuits really don’t have that ambiance. I’ve associated Triscuits with high-end holiday hors d’oeuvres for as long as I can remember, and if you doubt that, here’s the proof. Crackers you serve as holiday appetizers, topped with whatever’s in your refrigerator. Still, Cranberry & Sage Triscuits aren’t meant for mindless munching. But it is a pretty strong testament to Nabisco’s flavor makers. Given my present dueling feelings of bloat and guilt, this is not something I’d recommend trying. I liked ’em enough to plow through the whole box in one sitting.

I looked it up and everyone says, “Oh, it’s peppery!” But I’ve been down that road with other herbs. They’re meant to taste like Triscuits and cranberry sauce, and they do! I’m not sure if I detected anything that could be clearly identified as “sage,” possibly because I’m not 100% sure what sage tastes like. They’re indeed fruity, but the shock of a fruity Triscuit is much more pronounced on Triscuit #1 than, say, Triscuit #36. As for the taste, you’ll need to chomp through a few before really “getting” it. That initial waft died quick, settling into something subtler. Like, there was literally no difference at all. I’d love to pretend that it was some sophisticated scent worthy of big words, but to tell you the truth, it smelled exactly like Franken Berry. When you open the bag, you’re met with the stink of something decidedly unlike regular Triscuits.

It looks like one of the ten dollar throw blankets I buy every December. Even if this limited edition flavor doesn’t immediately appeal to you, at least admit that they come in a freakin’ fantastic box. If I was ever going to make an exception, now was the time, because OH MY GOD, THESE ARE CRANBERRY. Like Pepperidge Farm Goldfish, they were one of my childhood comfort foods, and like Pepperidge Farm Goldfish, I cannot have access to a package without devouring it within five minutes. I rarely buy Triscuits anymore, but it’s only because I can’t be trusted around them.

Judging by what I’ve seen so far, the 2014 holiday season is going to be a great one for junk food lovers.

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